i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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