This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
