Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize