I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
