Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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