I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
