Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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