So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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