Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
