hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
