This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
