OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize