Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
