I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I party with great urgency now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize