i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
