New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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