it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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