I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
