Can i not drive my cunt home
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
