somebody snuck up and got me drunk
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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