Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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