Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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