Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize