WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
