Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
