its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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