i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
