do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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