why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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