It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
