Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
