i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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