Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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