Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
