She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
