I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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