When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
