I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
