I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
