I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
