I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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