i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
