im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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