Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
