pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
