I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
