Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
