It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
