Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
