Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
