omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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