Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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