Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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