I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
