Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
