BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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