So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
