It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
