dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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