Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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