What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
