Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
