If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
