Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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