just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
