I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
