I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
