Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize