Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You should frame my arrest warrant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
