There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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