Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
