she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
