He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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