Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
