I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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